| America's
Uday and Qusay Conjuring Trick Latest White House lies reveal larger hidden untruths Copyright Joe Vialls. 24 July 2003, Footnote 30 July 2003 Latest "Saddam" Tape Emerges on Wolfowitz Cue - Scroll Down to Blue Footnote |
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If the latest story about the adventurous American 101st
Airborne Division was true, Saddam Hussein's two sons, his grandson
and their solitary bodyguard, would have to go down in history as
some of the world’s greatest and bravest fighters. According to
the media these four heroic individuals, including one cripple and
one child, managed to fight off 200 heavily armed and highly
aggressive members of the 101st Airborne for six long hours, before
finally perishing in a hail of Hellfire missiles launched by
helicopter gunships. The only way four lonely defenders could stay alive more than five minutes under these circumstances, would be if they were inside a heavily reinforced underground bunker, protected James Bond-style by automatic or remote controlled heavy weapons. But no, the gang of four were allegedly quietly sipping mint tea in the kitchen of a completely vulnerable Mosul villa, which had earlier been used by members of the 101st Airborne as requisitioned accommodation. Time to leave the Washington world of media spin for a moment here, and briefly touch base with reality. Uday and Qusay do not get along at the best of times, and in any event, for security reasons travel independently with separate highly-trained teams of special forces bodyguards front and rear. Uday and Qusay always have “back doors” through which to exit from any given location or locations, and would be insane to even consider hiding in a house in Mosul, a northern Iraqi city surrounded on all sides by murderous Kurdish terrorists, each and every one of whom would murder either or both brothers for ten cents. Both brothers are flamboyant and perhaps even eccentric, but neither is insane. Now let us discard reality completely, and catch up with the latest absurd White House propaganda. "Individuals of very high interest to the coalition forces were hiding out in the building," Lieutenant Colonel William Bishop of the 101st Airborne Division told Reuters, which of course begs the question of why these “Individuals of very high interest” were not simply surrounded, and then slowly starved out of the photogenic villa in a blaze of media publicity. Nor am I alone in wondering about this obvious beneficial alternative course of action. Fox News military analyst Colonel Bill Cowan said he hoped Saddam's sons had been captured and not killed. "I think in this case, it'd be great to have them alive," he said. "I think for the [Iraqi] population to see these two guys. shackled, incarcerated and really given harsh treatment, will have a most profound and long-term psychological advantage." Alas, this was not to be, because the 200 members of the brave 101st apparently found the two men, one cripple and one boy in the photogenic villa much too much hard to handle. An anonymous soldier “involved” in the operation allegedly told Steve Centanni of Fox News that containment was not an option. "We received direct fire from the building multiple times. We used a scaled escalation of force, and had to use bigger caliber weapons to render the building safe" The 101st Airborne allegedly used all the weapons in its arsenal, including grenade launchers, missiles and helicopters. It was around this point in time that the four dead “Individuals of very high interest” were converted into “three Husseins and a single bodyguard”, primarily because a US official told Fox News "they were shot up so much that it is difficult to make a positive identification of the bodies”. Decoded, this of course meant that the White House could go ahead with its master propaganda ploy to demoralize the Iraqi people, by claiming Saddam’s two sons were dead. Certainly it was time to kill someone other than poor old Saddam, who has allegedly been killed so often by American forces that nowadays no-one, including American servicemen, believes this pathetic rubbish. So the staged deaths of “hated” Uday and Qusay Hussein were a new version of the old Saddam theme, designed not only to demoralize the Iraqi people, but also to bolster American military morale, which recently reached non-existent level in Iraq. In their rush to “verify” the new propaganda and make it stick, American officials have unwittingly uncovered a more profound level of Administration untruth, going to the very heart of how many “wanted” Iraqis on the famous “Deck of Cards” have actually been captured, or are still at large. In what may yet prove to be a terminal error of judgement, a White House official told CNN yesterday that the bodies of Uday and Qusay had been visually “positively identified” by none other than Lieutenant General Abid Hamid Mahmud al Tikriti, Saddam’s closest aide, and the Ace of Diamonds in the pack. You may remember that the American Administration claimed to have captured Lieutenant General al Tikriti on June 17, 2003, but for reasons that will soon become obvious, failed to parade him shackled and shamed in front of the world media, just as Colonel Bill Cowan of Fox News wanted to do with Uday and Qusay Hussein. |
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| Saeed al-Sahaf |
| Tariq Aziz |
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Think about this people, think about it very hard. The only thing
preventing the Administration from gleefully parading Lieutenant
General Abid Hamid Mahmud al Tikriti in front of the media cameras,
is the fact they never captured him at all. Now go search the
archives, and try to find media video footage taken after
the "arrest" of any of the other 34 “wanted criminals”
on the Deck of Cards that America claims to have in custody. No
media footage? What a surprise… There are exceptions to this rule of course, most notably in the cases of Deputy Prime Minister Tariq Aziz, and Minister of Information Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, but neither was a member of the inner council. Tariq Aziz is the only Christian Minister in Iraq, and was arrested by American troops on camera, dispelling any myth that the American Administration might wish to avoid causing “embarrassment” to senior ranking Iraqi officials. Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf was a former school teacher, also arrested on camera and then allowed to return home. The compulsion of Washington and New York psychotics to “parade and shame” their prisoners for all the world to see, is very well documented, always provided they really have the prisoners in custody. Anyone remember “war criminal” Slobodan Milosevic? The media was fed thousands of feet of video footage showing Slobodan being snatched from his house, bundled into his car, then hustled into a helicopter before being transferred to a plane for the Hague. Then more riveting media footage of Slobodan Milosevic stooped forward in his American handcuffs, while unhinged viewers in the White House and Department of State dribbled spittle down their shirt fronts in a parody of sexual excitement. Independent journalist Robert Fisk recently highlighted this disgusting “show and tell” compulsion on the street of Baghdad, when the car carrying Danish engineer Qais al-Salman came under American fire. Qais was carrying his Danish Passport, Danish driving license and medical records, but they did him no good at all. In Qais al-Salman’s own words: "A civilian car came up with American soldiers in it. Then more soldiers in military vehicles. I told them I didn't understand what had happened, that I was a scientific researcher. But they made me lie down in the street, tied my arms behind me with plastic-and-steel cuffs and tied up my feet and put me in one of their vehicles. "After 10 minutes in the vehicle, I was taken out again. There were journalists with cameras. The group of Americans untied me, then made me lie on the road again. Then, in front of the cameras, they tied my hands and feet all over again and put me back in the vehicle." It was “show and tell” time for the American media, despite the fact that Qais al-Salman was in Iraq specifically to help repair Baghdad’s bomb-damaged water purification plants. This is what the Americans do to a single Danish civil engineer they just happen to shoot up on the streets of Baghdad. Now imagine the magnified reaction if they had really captured Lieutenant General al Tikriti. For a star of this magnitude, Hollywood would unquestionably be called in, glittering silver-plated shackles would festoon the hapless General from head to toe, and in all probability Steven Spielberg would suddenly appear in a flak jacket to direct the action. If there is anyone out there who still believes that the American Administration has actually captured 34 “wanted criminals” including Lieutenant General Abid Hamid Mahmud al Tikriti, and also killed Uday and Qusay Hussein, then I have failed in my job. Of course, the White House is promising to show you some “selected” photographs of the dead Uday and Qusay in a week or two, presumably when experts have finally finished manufacturing the forged pictures on Adobe or Paint Shop Pro in Washington. The harsh reality is that nearly all of the human Iraqi command, control, communications and intelligence structure is still intact, and currently directing extremely professional counter-insurgency operations against American and British invasion forces. Most “coalition of the willing” soldiers in Iraq are painfully aware of this fact, and no amount of pathetic propaganda peddled by the White House is going to dull their sharp awareness. Put bluntly, coalition soldiers in Iraq, especially Americans, have apparently already reached the critical point where direct action against their own commanders is starting to seem more attractive than simply allowing themselves to be blown apart in a politically-contrived “war”, against a country which has never presented a clear and present danger to America. It is a well known fact that members of the 3rd Infantry Division have now been told three times already, that they cannot return to their wives and families in America, which is producing anger of an extremely dangerous though understandable kind. What is less well known is the low level but persistent rumor that certain members of this division are threatening to “take out” [kill] Paul Bremer and Adnan Chalabi, who they apparently perceive as traitors sacrificing American military lives for Israeli and American multinational interests. Certainly with their own firepower, plus countless captured Iraqi weapons and continual access to the designated targets, this objective could be achieved with ease, and be made to look like an Iraqi attack. Whether or not it will actually proceed is anyone’s guess, especially as Iraqi counter-insurgency forces almost certainly have the same targets on their own list. About the only certainty is that if Bremer and Chalabi hang around for much longer, they will be killed one way or the other, and their deaths will automatically be blamed on the Iraqis. |
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Turning the prestigious 101st Airborne into propaganda puppets at
Mosul, is a new move that might prove extremely hazardous for the
American political establishment. While almost anyone in the 101st
will proudly tell you “We kick ass”, they will not
tolerate being taken for fools by anyone, nor will they blatantly
lie on political command. especially when their members are being
killed in some irrelevant part of the Iraqi western desert, as
happened last week. In the long term it is prestigious units like the 101st that present by far the greatest danger to corrupt politicians in Washington, DC. Push these folks too far, and there is a remote possibility that one of their Apache gunships might wander off course over the national Capital, and accidentally flick a couple of live Hellfire missiles through the windows of the Oval Office. |
| Update
25 July 2003 Uday & Qusay Hussein Forged Photos – Forensic Analysis |
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When forensic pathologists or morticians are asked to identify a
mutilated cadaver by comparing it with a photograph of the alleged
victim, the first thing they do is to lay out the cadaver so that
its profile matches that of the photograph. For example, if the
photo is right profile, the cadaver will be arranged and
photographed in exactly the same position, i.e. also right profile,
and at exactly the same angle. This may require considerable
manipulation, but pathologists and morticians are highly skilled in
this art, and the poor man on the slab is long past caring about the
inconvenience. No self-respecting pathologist or mortician would ever dare present a coroner’s court with the sort of forensic rubbish shown in the photos above, which were “released” by Secretary Rumsfeld earlier today as “proof” that Uday Hussein was killed during a gun battle in Mosul. I’m really curious about your odd behavior, Mr Rumsfeld, so please explain exactly why the pathologists failed to take the basic step of matching the cadaver profile to that in the photograph, and then tell us all exactly why the mortuary technicians were ordered not to shave off this man’s beard. No answer, Mr Secretary? What a surprise! Obviously shaving off his beard would have revealed a jaw line quite unlike that of the real Uday Hussein, and that simply could not be allowed during a major propaganda exercise designed to undermine Iraqi counter-insurgency efforts, while at the same time bolstering non- existent morale among American troops based in Iraq. In an attempt to make things a little easier for puzzled readers trying to work out what the hell is going on,, I have substituted pictures and switched profiles in the composite photo shown below: |
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It would have been easy for me to find a more suitable photo of Uday
if I had access to the more than 2,000 such images archived at the
Central Intelligence Agency, but sadly we will have to make do with
the one shown above left. Look carefully at the real Uday
Hussein’s fine nose, ladies and gentlemen, and then compare it as
best you can with the nose on the cadaver. As you can see, the two
noses do not match, not even approximately. Now draw an imaginary
[or real] horizontal line from the top of Uday’s left ear around
to the front of his face. Mark this reference point with a red
felt-tip pen. Now do the same with the cadaver and you will find
there is a variation of 2.5 millimeters. Aha! The two ears belong on
two entirely different heads. The main reason for selecting this particular photo of Uday is that the photographer has caught very fine detail on his face, in particular where he shaves, i.e. the gray shadow area on his right cheek showing where his beard would grow, as opposed to the pink area where no beard hair ever grows at all. Note carefully the exact route of the line between the shadow and the pink skin. These lines are different on every man, and in their own way as distinctive as fingerprints. Sadly perhaps, we have another mismatch with the cadaver, but is anyone out there really surprised by this? One critically important point with Uday revolves around the fact that you are only allowed to see the uppermost portion of the cadaver torso, which has not been arranged to protect the sensitivities of sickly viewers. The real Uday has some very significant scars from the attempt on his life, which are not present on the lower torso of the cadaver - the ultimate whistle-blower for every doctor and nurse who ever tended to him. Oops! |
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| Moving on to Qusay Hussein, we find the same fundamental “error” of the pathologists and morticians in failing to match the profile of the cadaver with his photograph, and once again the mortuary technicians were ordered not to shave off his beard. Details of the ear are wrong and [seriously] mismatched between photograph and cadaver. The real Qusay has an upward kink in both eyebrows, which is completely missing from the cadaver, as is the deep fleshy outcrop on Qusay’s forehead. Do we need any more? Probably not, but there is a lot of fine detail left for the sleuths who want to make a real forensic meal out of it. |
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| One thing that stands out very clearly from the photographs of the two cadavers, is that these two unknown men did not die in a hail of gunfire and Hellfire missiles inside a Mosul villa. The massive bruising around and behind the eyes of both men proves that both were beaten severely [tortured] while still alive, most probably by members of Adnan Chalabi’s 21st Century equivalent of the barbaric Iranian Savak. In the large photo below, it can be clearly seen that the severe bruising is only to the face, and possibly to the genitals and feet as is customary for torturers worldwide. We can only speculate on the latter, because Secretary Rumsfeld dare not release full body photographs. In any event, death must have come as an enormous relief for both. |
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The red circles on the photo highlight what appear to be bullet
holes or perhaps puncture wounds from sharp instruments – it is
difficult to tell which. What is relevant of course is that there is
no bruising at all around these sites, indicating [though not
proving] that someone unknown fired a bullet or two into the cadaver
after death, simply for media effect. This was probably essential,
bearing in mind the media “spin” that these two bodies were
recovered from a Mosul villa which had allegedly sustained more than
1,000 small arms hits, plus twenty utterly lethal Hellfire missiles
fired from helicopter gunships. In the end, all the lies and deception generated by Rumsfeld and his cronies will not be enough to remove the words of a senior 101st Airborne officer, who said on the day that the bodies in the Mosul villa were “battered completely beyond recognition by the sustained assault.” No doubt that officer was correct, and because Rumsfeld’s two cadavers have most certainly not been “battered beyond recognition”, we have proof they were not in the Mosul villa at all. Simply shave off their beards, and the two men’s real relatives should be able to recognize them quite easily, and recover their bodies for decent burial. How Americans in general are managing to cope with the frankly psychotic behavior of the retards in the White House at a time like this, I simply cannot imagine. Australian politicians are bad enough, but are simply not in the same demonic league as Bush, Cheney, Rice and Rumsfeld. Hopefully, sooner rather than later, someone will do something about removing them all from office permanently. |
| Update
28 July 2003 Baghdad Morgues Challenge Madam Tussaud’s |
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A pale, wax-like putty covered part of the two unknown men’s
mutilated faces, according to a press photographer who viewed the
bodies which lay naked on metal stretchers except for blue cloths
over their midsections. "The two bodies have undergone facial
reconstruction with mortician's putty to make them resemble as
closely as possible the faces of the Hussein brothers when they were
alive," a US military official told the journalists viewing the
corpses late Friday, in the presence of three forensic pathologists. The whole Rumsfeld morgue road show was bizarre in the extreme, not unlike leading a pack of journalists around Madam Tussaud’s in London or New York, while asking for their subjective views of the wax exhibits lining the hallways. You can almost hear the proud wax technicians asking, “Does our John Lennon look a little like John in real life, about the same as John looked in real life, or even more like John than John managed to look in real life?” The entire conjuring trick revolved around keeping the media pack focused on how much the poor abused cadavers looked like the Hussein brothers, thereby artfully preventing anyone from saying or reporting that there was no resemblance at all. To an extent this worked, with the obedient western media slavishly reporting the “dramatic deaths” of Uday and Qusay Hussein, the fall of the “Saddam Regime”, and anything else their creative proprietors in New York directed them to say. Rumsfeld’s pathetic propaganda scam did not fool the experts. Independent American forensic pathologist Peter Kirsch, MD, knocked the whole sick subterfuge on the head when he stated in writing, “As a retired forensic pathologist, I can say the photos presented clearly are NOT of Saddam's sons. One of the most individual things about a person is the ear, and on this evidence alone, the corpses shown are not those of Saddam's sons.” What may be of more interest is why Rumsfeld felt so compelled to go the extra distance of shaving the faces of the unknown men, liberally plastering them with twenty pounds of Play Doh, amputating the leg of one corpse, then placing a plastic bag full of nuts and bolts next to the severed limb on the mortuary table. It is always possible that Rumsfeld suffers from some sort of rare psychiatric disorder we know nothing about, but the more likely answer is that he was over reacting to criticisms of his earlier pathetic efforts in the morgue, mine included. Although my “Uday & Qusay Hussein Forged Photos – Forensic Analysis” [above] was first posted on Rumor Mill News late on 25 July Australian time, it was first posted on a low-bandwidth building page 24 hours earlier, and thus available for viewing by anyone who knew exactly where to look. After about 12 hours I usually check the building page and do an “edit” for context, grammar and spelling mistakes, then pass the final edited page address on to Steve Seymour, who kindly mirrors it unaltered on a high-bandwidth page, which is then eventually linked by me at Rumor Mill and several other web sites. A slow process, but a sure one. Obviously Rumsfeld received plenty of scathing criticism from many different directions, but little of this was in the published form. It therefore may or may not be more than a simple coincidence that the new arcane activity in the Baghdad Morgue, sought to specifically address and obliterate all of the criticisms made in my own report. I criticized the fundamental forensic failure to match the profile of the cadaver to that of the photograph allegedly being used for positive identification. The Baghdad Morgue Play Doh forgery team responded by removing the identification photograph completely, and switching the angle of the cadavers through 90 degrees to further confuse the viewing public. Where I slammed Rumsfeld for presenting bearded cadavers for “identification” [a criticism enthusiastically supported by senior mortuary staff at one of Australia’s biggest teaching hospitals], the forgery team responded by semi-shaving the cadavers, then reconstructed the jaw lines with putty in an unsuccessful attempt to make them look more like the Hussein brothers. Then the forgery team used more putty to obscure the all-important shaving line on the “Uday” lookalike cadaver. My comments and those of Dr. Peter Kirsch on the ears were potentially fatal, so the forgery team responded by repackaging the mass media photos so that both ears on the lookalike “Uday Hussein” were tastefully covered by blue plastic sheets. Voila! Unfortunately they missed a crafty Indian photographer who managed to shoot the black and white image shown on this update, which gives a perfect view of “Qusay’s” right ear. You’ve guessed already, haven’t you? The ear on the lookalike does not belong to the real Qusay Hussein. |
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Then, foolishly perhaps, I wrote that Secretary Rumsfeld dare not
release full body photographs, largely because “The real Uday has
some very significant scars from the attempt on his life,
which are not present on the lower torso of the cadaver.” It
sounded sensible at the time because I was still unaware of the
severe psychiatric problems gripping not only the Defense Secretary
but also the entire forgery team in the Baghdad Morgue. Incensed by
my analysis but unable to show the real scars because they didn’t
have the real Uday Hussein, Rumsfeld and crew decided to cheat in a
most gruesome but nonetheless ingenious way. Without stopping to think, the forgery team hacked the left leg off the “Uday” cadaver, laid it on its side [thereby completely obscuring the area where the real Uday was operated on] and placed a plastic bag full of bloody orthopedic pins, nuts and bolts next to the severed limb. The hushed media throng was then told that the bag of bloody bits had been “removed from Uday’s leg, and would be confirmed by X Rays.” What a sick joke! The only way any X ray could confirm this false claim would be for the X ray to be taken live in the presence of the media, while the pins etc were still INSIDE the leg, with matching scar tissue on the outside. Next I wrote that these men had both been tortured before death, ”The massive bruising around and behind the eyes of both men proves that both were beaten severely [tortured] while still alive, most probably by members of Adnan Chalabi’s 21st Century equivalent of the barbaric Iranian Savak”. This precise observation was countered by another two pounds of putty placed around the eyes of the cadavers, obscuring the massive bruising completely. Unfortunately the forgery team completely forgot to use any putty around the ankles, which was a most unfortunate oversight. If you look at the color picture of the two cadavers lying side by side, the one on the right has unique brown marks on both ankles. These marks have been identified by experts as pressure sores, caused by iron clamps used to hold the ankles while this poor man was suspended upside down for torture in the “Adnan Chalabi Hilton”. As I wrote earlier, death must have finally come as merciful relief for these two. |
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The media pack was told that each man had been “shot about 20
times in the gunfight at Mosul”, and there are indeed an
impressive number of holes in the torso of each cadaver. The
question is, what caused the precise round holes? We know that the
101st Airborne uses 5.56-mm and 7.62-mm high velocity weapons, known
for their ability to make small entry wounds before punching out
through exit wounds the size of your fist. There are no exit wounds
on either cadaver. On the same subject, why would anyone believe that two men allegedly involved in a ferocious four-sided gunfight involving assault rifles, rocket grenades and anti-tank missiles, would only suffer neat round gunshot wounds to the front of their bodies. Impossible! If these men had ever been in the Mosul villa, they would have large holes and burns all over them, as observed by a 101st Airborne Lieutenant Colonel at the time at the time of the Mosul firefight. Most likely cause of the neat round holes in the cadavers are low-velocity .32 wadcutter pistol bullets, fired after death from a range of about six feet. Best to ask Adnan Chalabi, who carries a rather effeminate nickel-plated .32 automatic pistol in a shoulder holster. The last pathetic Rumsfeld trick was to show dental records allegedly of Uday Hussein on all of the media networks, in turn allegedly “proving” they had the real man on the slab. It proves no such thing of course, because we have absolutely no idea what the real Uday Hussein’s dental records look like, and even if we did, there has been no physical comparison with either cadaver in the Baghdad Morgue. No prizes for guessing why not. I have been asked by a number of people why I am going to so much trouble over this gross deception, which is a question I’d already asked myself more than once beforehand. In the end I suppose it comes down to the ability to prove that the American Government has been deliberately lying to the American, British and Australian public, using only photographic material officially released by the same American government officials. Those who are old enough to remember the assassination of JFK, will also know that although countless books have been written on the subject, there was and never will be sufficient hard forensic proof of who shot the President, nor who at the Government level might or might not have conspired to conceal any meaningful trail of evidence. Nor does any of it matter very much, because as with all politicians, another was ready to step into JFK’s shoes. The current provable American Government deception in Iraq is far more important, because it has been deliberately manufactured to drive more and more America, British and Australian servicemen on to their certain deaths for purely political and monetary gain. The official “spin” that the “deaths” of Uday and Qusay Hussein would ‘frighten” the Iraqi people into giving up is pathetic rubbish, and every politician in Washington knows it. We have illegally invaded their country, and tens of thousands of Iraqis will fight to the death to kick us out again, of that you can be sure. The “Uday and Qusay are dead” scam was contrived and implemented by Bush, Cheney, Rice and Rumsfeld, in order to trick the American people into believing that the “end” of the “war” is getting closer, though they all know this is a shameful lie. Iraqi counter-insurgency is increasing exponentially each week, in turn killing ever-increasing numbers of American soldiers, in an invasion illegal not only in International Law, but also in flagrant violation of precedents set by the Nuremberg War Crimes Tribunal. However, it is one thing to claim that American officials are war criminals, and quite another to prove it in a court of law. What I have written on this page is not important, but the photographs are. Remember again that every one of them was officially published on the orders of Bush, Cheney, Rice and Rumsfeld, in the full knowledge that they were forgeries. These images are fast disappearing off the mainstream media sites, so right-click and “save as “ each images to your hard drive in case they are needed. If you have the skills and the available web space, go ahead and mirror the information so that it is available from more than a single source. Though war crimes trials for American politicians and officials seem far off now, they may be much closer than you think. I do not have a crystal ball, but do not need one to see very clearly that the American military is growing restless, and with good reason. The Baghdad Morgue scam is probably the clearest proof of Washington’s determination to sacrifice more and more American servicemen for no reason at all, and the worst war crime of all is cynically killing your own men for political and monetary gain. This quite simply is murder, for which I believe the punishment in most American States is death by lethal injection. |
| Footnote
30 July 2003 Latest "Saddam" Tape Emerges on Wolfowitz Cue |
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Poor old
Saddam! If we are to believe the American Administration, CNN, and in particular Paul Wolfowitz [the man behind the man behind the man behind the New World Order], Saddam Hussein has just lost two sons and is now completely hemmed-in by 5,000 heavily armed members of the spooky Task Force 20, who have allegedly narrowed the area of search for Saddam's bunker down to a final few hundred square yards. In addition Wolfowitz claims to have captured Saddam's top bodyguard, who will very soon tell all in a tastefully redecorated dungeon at the Adnan Chalabi "Nouveau Savak" prison. Yet despite these enormous difficulties, Saddam Hussein has once again defied the odds and managed to get a new audio tape out to Dubai-based Al Arabiya television, in which he forgets to berate America for killing his sons, and forgets to demand that his sons be buried immediately in accord with local religious requirements. Sources close to the Iraqi President [within a few hundred square yards as it happens], say they tried to stop the messenger as he left Saddam's bunker with the vital audio tape, but were unable to do so. Despite the use of remote controlled drones, heavy gunfire and twenty-two expensive Stinger missiles, Saddam's frightened and seriously overloaded carrier pigeon was able to gain cruising altitude for the 850 mile non-stop flight to Dubai. Even as we speak, forensic experts in Baghdad are working on a full-size Play Doh model of Saddam, based on one of his four known doubles, who is currently hanging upside down on a nearby meat hook. When the time is right, Wolfowitz will triumphantly unveil "Saddam's" body in the Baghdad Morgue, and claim victory for New York and the New World Order. Hurrah! Unfortunately, all this deception will not stop American soldiers dying in Iraq. |